It must be the time of the year because I have read several different blogs where the writer is deciding whethere to close up shop or not and honestly, that is where I am at as well.
I started blogging because I needed an outlet - so many things were going on in my life and I needed a place to let it all hang out and this really fufilled my need but then I ran into the dilemma on how secret I wanted to keep my identity. I tried message boards but that was too hard and women on message boards can be down right nasty to each other so I got tired of all of the bickering when I really just needed to vent or talk and wanted feedback or support so I quit posting and started blogging. I tried a couple of different times but didn't really get the hang of it until I started this one.
Originally I wanted to remain fully anonymous but that was really hard and remembering to use code names for the girls was really hard so eventually I dropped them (although in a few recent posts I have started using them again) but because of their names and some of the issues I have blogged about I realized it would be pretty easy for those that know me to figure out that this is my blog and with that knowledge, I started holding back which is not like me. I typically don't hold anything back and it really bothers me that I have started to self sensor. I need to be able to talk about somethings, things that I probably wouldn't talk about/tell the subjects of the conversation - more so that I can get the words out and get feedback on my feelings etc so I can process them.
Thing is, I really enjoy blogging and reading blogs (oh how I LOVE to read blogs) but it almost seems like a chore to blog these days. Not that I don't have anything to say because I NEVER EVER run out of things to say but I just feel like I need to watch what I say and that makes it very hard to be myself. I would help if I could password protect some posts but Typepad doesn't have that feature or maybe it does and I just haven't figured it out, which is entirely possible. I guess what I am saying in a rambling way it that I am at a blogging crossroads of sorts because I don't feel like I am blogging for myself right now (because if I was I would tell you about the crazy ass person who has invaded my life). I thought taking some time and not updating would help me figure it out but it really hasn't, it has just made it that much harder and during this time, my already meager readership has dropped because who wants to stick around and read a blog that is never updated.
What I really need is some inspiration or a cause or something to be passionate about that will open the floodgates of words that are inside of meeting waiting to get out. Does anyone have any suggestions? How do I stay true to myself while not revealing too much? How can I get past this? or should I just close up shop and call it a day? I would love any and all feedback....