It must be the time of the year because I have read several different blogs where the writer is deciding whethere to close up shop or not and honestly, that is where I am at as well.
I started blogging because I needed an outlet - so many things were going on in my life and I needed a place to let it all hang out and this really fufilled my need but then I ran into the dilemma on how secret I wanted to keep my identity. I tried message boards but that was too hard and women on message boards can be down right nasty to each other so I got tired of all of the bickering when I really just needed to vent or talk and wanted feedback or support so I quit posting and started blogging. I tried a couple of different times but didn't really get the hang of it until I started this one.
Originally I wanted to remain fully anonymous but that was really hard and remembering to use code names for the girls was really hard so eventually I dropped them (although in a few recent posts I have started using them again) but because of their names and some of the issues I have blogged about I realized it would be pretty easy for those that know me to figure out that this is my blog and with that knowledge, I started holding back which is not like me. I typically don't hold anything back and it really bothers me that I have started to self sensor. I need to be able to talk about somethings, things that I probably wouldn't talk about/tell the subjects of the conversation - more so that I can get the words out and get feedback on my feelings etc so I can process them.
Thing is, I really enjoy blogging and reading blogs (oh how I LOVE to read blogs) but it almost seems like a chore to blog these days. Not that I don't have anything to say because I NEVER EVER run out of things to say but I just feel like I need to watch what I say and that makes it very hard to be myself. I would help if I could password protect some posts but Typepad doesn't have that feature or maybe it does and I just haven't figured it out, which is entirely possible. I guess what I am saying in a rambling way it that I am at a blogging crossroads of sorts because I don't feel like I am blogging for myself right now (because if I was I would tell you about the crazy ass person who has invaded my life). I thought taking some time and not updating would help me figure it out but it really hasn't, it has just made it that much harder and during this time, my already meager readership has dropped because who wants to stick around and read a blog that is never updated.
What I really need is some inspiration or a cause or something to be passionate about that will open the floodgates of words that are inside of meeting waiting to get out. Does anyone have any suggestions? How do I stay true to myself while not revealing too much? How can I get past this? or should I just close up shop and call it a day? I would love any and all feedback....
Finding the right balance can be SO hard. I, too, find myself sensoring because there are some things I want to right about, but am afraid I will cause undue worry to those who know me. I like having a blog and I like having it as a way for my family and friends to keep up with me, but being open about my identity does hinder me at times. I've thought about having two blogs - the one I currently have, and one that is TOTALLY anonymous. I haven't actually done it, but may move toward that direction soon.
I don't really have any suggestions. I just wanted to let you know I understand your conflicted thoughts.
Posted by: Tracy | July 17, 2008 at 10:46 AM
How about Wordpress? It is free and I do believe that you can lock down certain posts.
Posted by: cagey | July 17, 2008 at 11:04 AM
AHhhhh Hi! Ok, so I forgot to have the comments sent to my email, so I had to come and comment here. I fixed that, but because I'd used Typepad when I last had my blog, I had no real clue how to use Blogger. But I am back and I did move...I explained that a bit more today. We live in Denver now, moved last year. Ok, so I need to come and read your archives, ut I need to take chicken little to swimming lessons. SO I'll be back, I promise. Are you really done blogging? Ok, I'll talk to you soon. My new email is issascrazyworld@gmail.com
I've missed you and I'm so glad you saw my comment at POW's site.
Hugs,
Issa
Posted by: Issa | July 18, 2008 at 12:44 PM
You are right. It IS that time of year...
As for the balance... I dunno. But blog for you! Maybe your blog could be about the childhood memories you want to share with you girls? Not just their childhoods but memories from your own?
My readership is down as well. Seems I spent so much time blogging a year ago at this time, I wasn't doing much else. Had to pull back. Don't post as often or visit others as much (sorry.) But I had to figure out a way to blog AND take care of other responsibilities.
One of the reasons I blog is because I wish I would have gotten to know my grandmothers better. I wish I could have known how my mom was feeling at some tough times in her life. I blog so I have that record. So if my son or his future children, grandchildren want to know about their history, they'll have an idea of where they get that inappropriate sense of humor or dorkiness. (They an blame me. heehee.)
Sorry this comment probably didn't help you much... But please hang in there. You are a great blogger. Your gentle, compassionate, introspective nature shines through in your blog.
Posted by: Motherofbun | July 18, 2008 at 02:33 PM
I think it might be a combination of "time of the year" and whatever else you're feeling. I've always said it was my blog and even if some people I know do read my blog I never really censored myself, 'cause it is mine to do/write what I want! Just today I joined a "group" called "I Blog Guiltfree", because at times I feel guilty for not commenting as much as I should, etc. If you keep on blogging, I'll keep on reading. If you move, please tell me. Good luck with that, and do what your heart tells you.
Posted by: stinkypaw | July 19, 2008 at 12:20 AM
Sometimes you just need to stop and reassess: Why are you doing this? What do you want to get out of it? What is the story you want to tell?
It seems so obvious but sometimes you just need a little clarity.
And remember, telling it honestly isn't the same as telling it all. Aren't we all far too complex to ever get the entire story out there anyway?
Posted by: Mom101 | July 21, 2008 at 08:17 PM