Well it has really been 2 days and I am better, not normal but better. As hard as it was to post my last entry, it was very cathartic. I needed someone to know I was hurting and I needed to know that I was not alone. And I am definitely not alone which makes me sad and comforts me all at the same time. But most of all, I needed to get the emotion out of me. That post ranks up there on hardest things I have ever had to do and it is only behind accepting that my Mother was going to die and telling my children, on 2 different occasions, that their grandmother(s) were going to die.
So where am I at? My psychiatrist that I saw previously seems to have moved or is no longer practicing so I searching for a new Dr. We don't really have a family practitioner because there has not been a need for the past couple of years for regular care. But we have a family therapist that we all see to help us deal with our beloved middle child and since I had to reschedule a family therapy appointment today I asked her for a recommendation for a psychiatrist/therapist. I had a really good conversation with her and she has offered to see me individually until I can get in to see someone else. She can't put me on meds but she can listen and that is all I want and it will suffice for the time being. She did ask if I was in crisis and I don't think I am but I do think I am sliding quickly. I have a couple of things planned with friends and I have started running again (12 miles this week woot!) and I am talking and/or blogging. Talking so much my husband probably wishes I would shut the hell up but oh well. She said all of those things were very good and to keep them up.
Mr Fly and I had a great conversation last night and I was completely honest with him about what has happened and where I am emotionally and I do think he was surprised at how far I have fallen but he is also so very supportive and wants to help me get better. He has stepped up beyond what I even would have expected and just reinforces why I love him so much (commence epuking).
I will be back to myself and soon, I know it, I believe it.
And I cannot close without thanking all of you for the comments, e-mails and phone calls. They touched me so deeply and helped improve my mental status 10-fold. You all are the best and I bestow upon you all The Flybunny Gold Star of Awesomeness (they are very very rare so count yourselves lucky!) which someday will earn you a really great prize like a mix CD or something - aren't you happy?
Sometimes getting it all out there, out of you, makes it seem easier. Shrug. At least I hope it works that way.
I'm glad you're doing better and that you're going to see someone. Keep writing though, it's powerful stuff.
And my friend, you deserve that husband of your, just as much as I deserve mine. They're both great guys and we DESERVE them and them us. :)
Posted by: Issa | July 26, 2008 at 12:09 PM
I'm glad things are better. It's amazing how a post can sometimes help lift the load. Take care.
Posted by: simplypink | July 27, 2008 at 01:16 AM
Thinking of you.
Hang in there, you sound much better.
Posted by: Busy Mom | July 27, 2008 at 01:59 AM