Well it has really been 2 days and I am better, not normal but better. As hard as it was to post my last entry, it was very cathartic. I needed someone to know I was hurting and I needed to know that I was not alone. And I am definitely not alone which makes me sad and comforts me all at the same time. But most of all, I needed to get the emotion out of me. That post ranks up there on hardest things I have ever had to do and it is only behind accepting that my Mother was going to die and telling my children, on 2 different occasions, that their grandmother(s) were going to die.
So where am I at? My psychiatrist that I saw previously seems to have moved or is no longer practicing so I searching for a new Dr. We don't really have a family practitioner because there has not been a need for the past couple of years for regular care. But we have a family therapist that we all see to help us deal with our beloved middle child and since I had to reschedule a family therapy appointment today I asked her for a recommendation for a psychiatrist/therapist. I had a really good conversation with her and she has offered to see me individually until I can get in to see someone else. She can't put me on meds but she can listen and that is all I want and it will suffice for the time being. She did ask if I was in crisis and I don't think I am but I do think I am sliding quickly. I have a couple of things planned with friends and I have started running again (12 miles this week woot!) and I am talking and/or blogging. Talking so much my husband probably wishes I would shut the hell up but oh well. She said all of those things were very good and to keep them up.
Mr Fly and I had a great conversation last night and I was completely honest with him about what has happened and where I am emotionally and I do think he was surprised at how far I have fallen but he is also so very supportive and wants to help me get better. He has stepped up beyond what I even would have expected and just reinforces why I love him so much (commence epuking).
I will be back to myself and soon, I know it, I believe it.
And I cannot close without thanking all of you for the comments, e-mails and phone calls. They touched me so deeply and helped improve my mental status 10-fold. You all are the best and I bestow upon you all The Flybunny Gold Star of Awesomeness (they are very very rare so count yourselves lucky!) which someday will earn you a really great prize like a mix CD or something - aren't you happy?