Six years ago I decided that I needed to break up with my then best friend. It was a hard decision because for so many years she had been a prominent presence in my life, she was even my Maid of Honor when Mr Fly and I got married. I turned to her when I was sad and when I was going through a rough patch with a professor, she was by my side helping me. We were best friends as best friends should be - supportive of each other, a shoulder to cry on, someone to share private jokes with, a companion.
We met the first week of our freshmen year in college. I think to some it was probably an unusual friendship as we were polar opposites. I was a party girl who scheduled studying around parties and she studied all the time and partied only rarely. She was active in many different organizations, I was active in partying (do you see the trend here?). But through it all we remained best friends. I loved to make her laugh. I had silly voices/characters that would have her crying she was laughing so hard. We had so many good times together that even today make me smile.
Somewhere along the way we started growing apart. I am not sure when it really started happening but I noticed it more after I got engaged. So many little things happened, things that at the time I just let go and wrote it off to various stresses in her life (new lawyer, lots of law school debt etc). As I look back now maybe if I had said something it would have made a difference but deep down I know it probably wouldn't have because I think some of the tension was driven by jealousy. I had found my soul mate and she desperately wanted that. When I found out I was pregnant we grew apart even more.
Six years ago, we knew my MIL would not live much longer. We knew that there were no more treatment options and I had the unenviable task of telling my daughters that their grandmother was going to die. While all of this was going on I was keeping my friends apprised of the situation because I needed some support. I got nothing from her - not one single email, not one single phone call to check on me. However, as it got closer to our college homecoming all the sudden she wanted to know my plans, she wanted a piece of me for lack of a better term and I wasn't willing to give it. I am a total package, you take the good and the bad together and love me for who I am.
At homecoming, I refused to interact with her because I am mature. I was deeply hurt that it appeared that she didn't give a damn about me when I was hurting but when it was party time then she could be my friend. I waited for about a month so that I wasn't as emotional about it and sent her an e-mail (I know, I should have called but I couldn't bring myself to do it) and explained why I acted the way I did, I think I even apologized and told her I was hurting. What I got in return was a lot of blame, how I didn't do that and I didn't do that and that I ruined her time at homecoming. That was the end of our friendship.
There has been no contact between us with the exception of me sending her an I'm thinking about you e-mail when her parents home was destroyed by a tornado several years ago. She responded and probably made an overture of some nature in her response but my wounds were still fresh and I was having none of it. I let her go.
Today I found out that she got married almost a year ago and I found myself a bit sad that I wasn't involved in the festivities. I am very surprised by my reaction. I have several theories about why I feel the way I do ranging from regret (over the way I handled things, I know I wasn't the most mature about it) to my own current emotional state to even a bit of jealousy around the people who were involved. But whatever my reaction may be I am glad she is happy and has finally found someone to love and to be loved because that is something she always desperately craved. I truly am happy for her.