The Adventures of Flybunny: There is a hole in my heart

So I have taken this big long break from blogging because it was just to hard. I am not great with commitments and there were some things going on that I don't want to share with the world and keeping them out was just too much work but today I feel the need to spill some words.

This morning a very very dear friend JD had to have an emergency c-section at 25 weeks and baby Lucy did not survive. Baby boy (who does not have a name yet) is fighting and that is all they will tell us at this time.

I cannot get my thoughts around this. Lucy has defied the odds from the get go as she was not supposed to have made it this long. Week after week the dr's would paint these horrible scenarios where organs weren't developing etc. From the outset Dr's fully prepared JD that she would lose one of the babies so much so that she didn't tell us about baby #2 until 20 wks because of it. At 20 weeks, they told her she might lose both of them and she decided at that point that we needed to know the full story.

As planned, she was admitted to the hospital to get the neccessary drugs to help the babies develop and to keep them in there as long as possible. Luckily she was there or she would probably have lost both of them. She delivered them via emergency c-section this morning.

I haven't been able to figure out why this has effected me to the degree it has. I have tried twice to go to the hospital but I just can't go - not yet. I think it was because I truly thought those babies would defeat the odds given them because they had until this morning. And I know part of it is just because babies aren't supossed to die, they just aren't .

Please keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers JD, S, P (their 8 yr old) and baby boy and of course for Lucy who has to be the sweetest little angel.

Not spellchecking or proofreading. Am going to try to go to hospital - again.

I have been crying all afternoon and finally had to come home. I wasn't getting anything done.

October 2008